Earth without art is just eh
The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:
The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads This blog is doing awesome!.
The Leaning Tower of Pisa has 296 steps to reach the top. This blog was viewed about 1,100 times in 2010. If those were steps, it would have climbed the Leaning Tower of Pisa 4 times
In 2010, there were 73 new posts, not bad for the first year! There were 69 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 8mb. That’s about 1 pictures per week.
The busiest day of the year was October 6th with 56 views. The most popular post that day was Weirdo Watch.
Where did they come from?
The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, mookychick.co.uk, en.wordpress.com, alphainventions.com, and theprocrastionationproject.tumblr.com.
Some visitors came searching, mostly for the chemical leper, the chemical leper blog, jessica cornish, jessie j, and indie undercut.
Attractions in 2010
These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.
Weirdo Watch October 2010
Fucks a really great word isn’t it? October 2010
Weirdo Watch November 2010
INDIE/HIPSTER/SKIN KID SCUM* December 2010
Okay that might have been a slight lie but they still taste like that.
School Dinners. I’m sure right now you are envisioning a slop on a grey trey that resembles your dogs vomit, you know, the kind where they stare at it for a bit and start eating it again. I can just see it now, dinner ladies behind the scenes; picking their noses and flicking it in the macaroni, their pubes somehow ending up in the tuna sandwiches. Bastards.
When I first came to High School I was told our canteen was a McDonalds (I was also told there was a room of beds for sexy time) I believed both of these. I was more disappointed by the fact there was not a McDonalds. But if I’m honest it was almost as good. There was actual burgers with actual meat and sometimes cheese (not actual cheese obviously). There was massive boxes of chips but not just regular chips: curly ones. And if you felt like some chocolate, great, our school had more of a cake selection than Greggs. Best of all there was Fanta, Sprite and Coke. What more could you want from life?
Then those arseholes at the council decided and I quote:
We all mourned as curly fries and Fanta was replaced with salads and “Irn Bru” which is really fruit juice, you aren’t fooling us, bitches. The school’s canteen enrages me. They introduced the worst rules ever that will have no effect on our eating habits whatsoever. The kids who were fat when they sold curly fries are (shockingly) still fat.
We now can only purchase cake from the vending machine at break because if we eat them for breakfast it will somehow make them less fat than if we eat them at lunch. Of course we could just buy them at break and eat them at lunch. Or walk a few steps to the tuck counter and purchase a meaty cupcake with 10 pounds of icing on top. The epitome of healthy eating.
And of course they worry that if we aren’t gorging ourselves on McDonalds we are starving ourselves to look like Lindsey Lohan which I can assure you, I am not. They seem to think we will do this by not buying food and buying coke zero.
Yesterday, I bought a baguette. It was average, bordering mediocre, edible for school food but then thirst struck. I walked up to the till and tried to purchase some Coke Zero but yet again I was fucked by the voice of the council with that little word: “Naw”.
Apparently I would lie about having just eaten a baguette in order to trick the school into selling me Coke Zero. That would really be fucking the system. So, I had to get a jump in for Coke Zero. This fuelled the life changing decision that would change my eating habits forever. Next time, I’m bringing a pack lunch.
Sweeping blonde hair, piercing blue eyes hidden behind designer glasses, a chin that reminds us all of “The Crimson Chin”, an enitre wardrobe from Topman – this is Alistair Craig.
I remember when Alistair’s hair once covered his entire face and held an entire can of “Elnett hairspray”. He would not be complete without a sex pistols t-shirt, and some sort of Nu-Punk, offending everyone else’s ears, blasting from his headphones.
What a contrast to the now blazer yielding politician (complete with tinnitus, a remnant of his punk days) that is the Alistair Craig of 2010.
Alistair is passionate, he is fuelled by his love affair with the Labour party and his true hatred for the Tories. Alistair will definitely be celebrating Thatcher’s departure from the world as we know it. His moods are entirely based on two factors; how his lovely Rangers Football Club are preforming and whether or not his mother is menstruating.
Alistair was once the epitome of “rebel child” he oozed teen angst and just wanted to be non conformist. He did this by coming to school in a mass produced “My Chemical Romance” jacket. Not that I can judge, I had the matching jacket.
Alistair is the definition of multi-talented. He can write, act, debate and create spectacularly accurate accurate Wagner costume (see above) costumes – complete with chest hair.