Earth without art is just eh
I’ve not written in a long time. I don’t usually write posts so directly personal but I feel this is necessary. I learned more last winter than I have done this entire year. Your teenage years are never supposed to be calm and it is perfectly reasonable to expect to spend a lot of it having an emotional crisis. You should experiment now and find who you are, never hold back. When things go horribly wrong you know you’re doing it right.
When I made the conscious decision to calm down at the ripe old age of seventeen I lost my passion. I lost myself. This is why I haven’t written anything. I have not had a single life changing revelation. Last winter my mind was blown open and my life was thrown in my face. Experiencing true hurt and knowing there is a real possibility that you could be gone tomorrow was terrifying. Yet I don’t regret any moronic and life threatening action I ever did because I truly learned. Through this blog I tried to share everything I learned with people. It was all raw. But now I don’t know who I am.
I’ve managed to slowly slip into everything I opposed; the same mundane life, another puppet of society and false opinions. I’ve forgotten to question everything I’m told. I may not have been happy but I was never trapped. Now I am smothered by worries about getting into university, getting a job, getting a husband, getting a mortgage. Everything we are programmed to believe we need to achieve without stopping for a second to consider if that really is the key to our individual happiness.
Without bad decisions we can’t have good ones. Without sadness we can’t have happiness. When we come up we have to come down. I’d rather that than a straight road where you never feel anything. We need the contrast. Its what make us human rather than mindless drones.
So this is my first revelation of the year and hopefully not my last. I’m reopening my eyes and my mind.